my yesterday

yesterday was completely nuts...my morning started off with heading to the OC for a dance lesson with my fiance which obviously ended up being disastrous...we're basically trying to learn to dance for our wedding...my fiance isn't bad but i'm completely and utterly a total mess...what i quickly learned is that i can't dance for shit...apparently, all this time when i go clubbing and wriggling around, i've lied to myself and told myself i was dancing when in reality, i was just wriggling around in a drunken stupor...i currently hate myself big time...so my fiance is dancing and joking around and i'm under a huge amount of stress because i'm bad at rhythm or memorizing my 4 dance steps and so i just spend my time yelling at him...our choreographer looks at me and keeps demonstrating the steps over and over and over again and i can't seem to get it...after 2 hours, i decided to quit...i realized i'm a lost cause and take pity on myself...

we then head to a wedding but before the wedding, we grabbed some sushi at hide on sawtelle...that was delish...and then we run off to our friends' wedding...i swear, what is up with weddings where it always makes u tear up cause the couple is sooo damn nice and sweet and then u feel all moved and wanna cry?...i wonder if people will feel like that at my wedding...somehow, i highly doubt it...my friends will prolly be like, "that bitch is finally married...good riddance...now we no longer have to hang out with her." my family members will be like, "finally, some dude to take her away and deal with her problems." yes, it will be the most romantic wedding like ever...

right after the wedding, my fiance and i had to hit our gf's lingerie hello kitty casino night birthday party in torrance...so i had to change into my grandma lingerie in the car...it was great...so i was gonna wear this sexy white camisole hot shorts lingerie number but my fiance looked at it before i was heading out and he was like, "No" so i got stuck with the most grandma looking lingerie i could find...i even paired it with my granny panties...well...it was good that i didn't wear my sexy lingerie cause i didn't want the other girls to get all jealous cause i'm soooo hot...u know, with my flat chest and stumpy legs...and yes, i look like a boy naked except with long hair that i never comb...it's funny cause my fiance is always like, "u look hot" and i stare at him and think, "i'm glad he's delusional."

okay...so back to this party and NOT me...so we get there and we're greeted with a shot of vodka that we're supposed to take...i decline cause i know i have to leave the party early to go home and practice my dance number a little bit more before i see the choreographer again the next morning...the girl at the door says, "u have to take a shot per request of the bday girl." i look at her very menacing and say, "uh...uhmmm...uh...no." and then the guy at the door wants to take a pic of me and my fiance and i'm like, dude...i can't get a picture of myself in fucking grandma lingerie...cause it's obvious what's gonna happen to this picture...the next thing u know, i'm on maxim cause i'm really that hot and not getting paid for my hawtness...yes, that's my issue with that pic being taken and the fact that i didn't sign a release waiver for it...actually, the only reason why i didn't want to get my pic taken was cause i looked like crap and i knew it...oh wells..on yeah...so back to this party...

we go upstairs and the whole room is decked out in hello kitty stuff...that is my dream...to have my home decked out in hello kitty stuff...i kid...i'd only decorate my bedroom like that...cause hello kitty in the bedroom is always sexy...i'm sure my fiance would love that...so there's this dj spinning...it was pretty cool...so the ladies arrive and they're in the skimpiest lingerie which of course makes me feel like all shitty cause i look like their grandma...and what's worse is that some of the ladies brought their kids to this party and yet they were able to look hot in their skimpy lingerie and i was stuck looking seriously lame...oh yeah...there were kids at this party...which honestly, i don't mind cause i fucking love kids and by love kids, able to tolerate them for like 5 minutes before i quickly get bored and return them to their mother...so anyway, all these hot chicks are prancing around in sexy lingerie and then we've got these two adorable boys running around....actually, one boy was running around cause he's two years old and the other one is like one so his mom was busy like holding him...

my two gfs arrive and they were also dressed in grandma lingerie to my relief...we all looked lame together...there's safety in numbers for me...anyway, to make a super long story short...the party was fun and then i ended up cutting out early to go home and practice more of my dancing but after 30 minutes, i realized i still suck and went to bed...i know...it's very sad...honestly, what fucking makes this really and uberly sad is the fact that i have now come to terms that i can never make it as a stripper...i swear, how am i gonna make ends meet when my fiance wakes up one day, realizes i'm nuts, and leaves me alone with our kid that is "allegedly" his? i've heard stories where douchebags leave their wives after the wife has the kid and the guy is like, "i'm no longer attracted to u." i'm like, wtf? i only fucking just had a 10 lbs. baby that came out of my fucking private part...how about u try busting a kid out of your ass? let's see if u still look attractive...i swear, men can be douchebags....honestly, i'm not worried if my fiance ends up leaving me after we have a kid...i mean, that's what alimony and child support is for...so it's like having two incomes if u don't spend your child support money on the kid...it's great...i kid...and by kid, i'll prolly be the one forced to pay child support cause my fiance knows i'll most likely not want to keep the kid...cause u know, it'll cramp my dating and going out clubbing life...

okay...i better go practice some more dancing before i see the choreographer...hopefully, she doesn't yell at me...xoxo...