i am for sale and so is my fiance

my last nite was spent watching indecent proposal...the movie stars robert redford who plays this billionaire who offers one million dollars to sleep with demi moore who is married to woody harrelson in the movie...so anyway, she ends up hooking up with robert redford with woody's consent and then woody and demi end up fighting and she ends up getting with robert redford and then they break up and she gets back with woody...and why would she do that? it's cause she's fucking needy and can't be alone...but that's another story...

so my thoughts on this movie was that it was great but totally unrealistic...my amigo "A" was like, "this movie is so much better than pretty woman" and he was like totally wrong....but don't get me wrong, everyone knows i'm a sucker for a movie in which the story line consists of some poor girl falling in love with some rich guy and she lives happily ever after cause she becomes accustomed to her rich lifestyle cause it takes her out of the ghetto and then she forgets where she came from and becomes a royal bitch...this is why movies like pretty woman and jersey girl [that 80's version and not that stupid modern version that stars ben affleck and jennifer lopez who btw is one of the worst actresses like ever] are like my fave movies...anyway, back to indecent proposal, it was a pretty decent movie...u get to see demi's one boob for most of it and like when woody makes out with her, he wipes off her lipstick all rough and then they like make out and do it...and before they have sex, they kinda like beat each other up...it was very interesting...

so anyway, the reason why i think indecent proposal is totally unrealistic is cause how often does some billionaire offer a million dollars for a one night stand? and seriously, if i was in vegas with my husband and some guy offers me a billion dollars, there is no way i would REJECT that offer...and on top of that, i'd make sure to get a divorce first so i won't have to split that million...and btw, if a million was deposited into their account, don't they have to pay taxes on that? like seriously...and another unrealistic part about the movie is that demi's husband was a total loser and so not hot...robert redford is like twice his age in the movie but is totally fine like some nice fine aged wine...give me some of that booty...i'd hit it for like $5...i kid, i would never do such a thing...i am happily engaged to the best fiance like in the world...[hey V...that was a shout out to u if u like ever even read my blogs]...another thing i found kinda lame about the movie is that one of the lines demi says is, "I am not for sale" and yet, she's the one who wants to hook up with him...she's a total hypocrite...and then she tries to blame her husband for being a whore by saying that she slept with robert for him...i'm like, good one...i'll remember to use that line if i'm like ever caught sleeping with a billionaire for money...which obviously would never happen cause i don't have that kind of luck nor do i look like demi moore...damn my life...

so why do i think pretty woman is a much better movie? well, for one thing, it's definitely more realistic...i mean, when i ever think i'm down on my luck and don't have money, i know i can always be a HOOKER...that's a realistic goal...and then if you're a hooker, there's more likelihood of meeting a rich guy, for example, hugh grant, which would actually be a dream come true cause he's not only rich, he's hot...and he gets hookers...so yeah, i'm definitely more into movies that can happen in real life...it gives all us ladies something to aspire to...

so if i were to rename the movie i just saw last nite, i'd call it..."The Perfect Proposal" ...or "A Girl's Dream Come True" or maybe even "One Night in Vegas and it was some good times and i just got myself a million dollars and is now officially the most expensive hooker...like ever"...dammit, why am i not hired to name movie titles? i swear, my fucking creativity goes to waste...

so anyway, i hit a tea party today and that was fun but all i could talk about was indecent proposal and how i hope it will happen to me when i hit vegas next month for my bachelorette party but somehow, i highly doubt that will happen...and of course, i'm kidding...and by kidding, not really kidding...HELLO, it's a fucking million dollars...honestly, i know i would give my fiance a call and this would be our conversation if i just got offered a million dollars by some rich ass douchebag:

Lo: hey honey, i'm in vegas and this like super rich guy wants to sleep with me for a million dollars.
V: uh...don't do it. we don't need the money.
Lo: oh...it's all staticky on the phone...i can't hear u clearly...did u just say u wanted me to sleep with him and i can keep the money all to myself? wow..baby, you're the best. [phone clicks]

so my fiance and i get back from the tea party [and yes, i dragged my fiance to an all girls tea party which he wasn't too thrilled about] and we watch Yes Man starring Jim Carrey...is it just me or is he just seriously fucking annoying as hell? so my movie review on Yes Man would be: DON'T WATCH THAT MOVIE. IT'S TOTALLY STUPID.

after the movie, we grabbed some sushi and now we're about to work on some wedding stuff...i swear, most productive saturday like ever!!!! xoxox.

Stage Beauty: a movie review

my last nite was spent watching stage beauty starring billy crudrup and claire danes...this is my review:

the movie sucked like big time.

i really want my one hour and 49 minutes back...i swear, i stayed up past 2 am to watch that piece of crap...the movie is about how men used to play women roles back in the day and how claire danes character was all about getting some booty from billy crudrup's character but the problem is that he's gay...and so when she finally gets him into bed with her, instead of hooking up, he is just like caressing her face with his hands...i'm like wtf? and so the movie ends with him trying to kill her on stage and after the play is over, she still wants his booty but it doesn't happen...and then the movie ends...i'm like, wtf? i don't get it. so basically, don't waste your time watching it...

so now i'm up way too damn early on my saturday...

oh yeah...so last nite, i didn't go insanely nuts on my fiance when he finally got home from his work dinner...surprisingly...basically, i was somewhat of an adult and told him we needed to talk...i basically went over the situation with him and told him how i felt and how he needed to stand up for me if need be because i felt i didn't have a voice...i swear, it was the most adult conversation i've had...normally, i like to scream my head off, cry, and go into dramatics if i'm upset...he agreed and now we're cool...

today will be spent doing some wedding stuff and just chilling out...tomorrow will be spent grabbing dim sum with a junior high school friend to discuss her upcoming nuptials, a college graduation party to hit, and then dinner with a gf and her bf...yes, i'm back to triple booking...xoxo.

i had a bad day

surprisingly, i get bad days and today was one of them...it was surprisingly gloomy in LA...so i get up at 9ish this morning and my fiance gives me some bad news which i can't discuss...anyway, it basically ruins my mood...so he leaves for work at 11ish with me screaming at him...so basically, since i can't really give out details, it really just consists of someone bad mouthing me which i obviously have no issues with but this person also made up some lies about me which is what upsets and infuriates me because i can't even defend myself because it'd be my word against hers...yes...very gossip girl stuff except not really...

anyway, so when i get into a funk, i lose my appetite...which is actually a good thing...i love being skinny and the skinnier, the better...so lunch time rolls around and i'm like, i should prolly eat something....i go to my fridge and pull out my cheetos cheese puffs bag...i eat exactly ten cheese puffs and decide to sleep off my hunger...so i go take a nap for like two hours and wake up around 4ish...a gf of mine contacts me to go grab dinner with her...so i'm like, yeah..i should prolly get my ass up and do something...so i go wash my face and put on my sweats and not brush my hair...

my fiance calls me and tells me he has to stay out late cause he has to grab dinner with his work place...i'm like, yeah, sure, go ahead...i don't care to be around u tonite...btw...my fiance knows what he did or more like what he didn't do and why i'm in such a rage...honestly, i'm sure he's glad he had a company dinner to go to so he can avoid my anger...

so i go grab pho with my gf and instead of going directly home which i should have done, i ended up going shopping...which of course is always a fucking bad idea considering that i'm always broke...

so armed with my credit card, i hit the store and end up buying this super hot alice and olivia dress which i shouldn't have...surprisingly, i instantly felt better...i justify my transaction by telling myself that if i wear this dress to my bachelorette party next month, then it makes it okay...honestly, i know i shouldn't be shopping when i'm a recovering addict...

so when i'm at the register, i look at the sales lady and ask her what the return policy was...and i'm like, wtf happened to my life? the old Lo would never ask such a question...i would buy crap and know i would keep the item and now i have to think about it?

so anyway, i purchase the dress and go home and try it on with my high heels on and think to myself, wow, i look beautiful despite my coke bottles, uncombed hair, and big ears.

so yes, i feel slightly better...maybe enough so where i don't go completely nuts on my fiance for not defending my honor...anyway, i will spend the rest of this evening feeling sorry for myself....i know...woe is my life. xoxo.

indecent proposal

last nite, instead of being productive and working on my menu for an upcoming business meeting, i spent it playing indecent proposal with a friend of mine...to protect his identity, let's call him "A"...

so the conversation began about how he was saying how he was like robert redford from indecent proposal...since i've never seen the movie, the question he posed to me was...would u sleep with someone for a million dollars?

so followed is our facebook chat conversation after he poses the question:


9:56pm Lo
i'll do it for $20. that would cover my taxi cab ride back home, right? actually, it depends...is the guy cute?

9:56pm A
yes. well, he's professional and clean
liek robert redford
might be a little older
be honest

9:57pm Lo
hmmm...if he's older, maybe i'll charge another $5
seriously...honestly...hmmm
i actually wouldn't
actually, am i married or just in a relationship?

9:58pm A
i think it means you're married for say a few weeks
1 million dollars. no strings attached.

9:58pm Lo
this is a toughie
dude...u know if a guy is gonna pay a million dollars for me, he's obviously gonna fall in love with me

9:59pm A
doesn't matter. he'll move on.

9:59pm Lo
okay..no strings attached..
honestly, i wouldn't do it

9:59pm A
just sex. he'll be respectful and polite

9:59pm Lo
i know...i'm lame

10:00pm A
you're not lame.

10:00pm Lo
i'd rather be the one paying someone for sex

*****

so i ask my fiance if he would be okay if someone paid him a million dollars to sleep with me for one night...and he's like, "no." i was like, don't be stupid...it's a fucking million dollars!!!

and he's like, "well, if some girl wanted to sleep with me for $10, would u let that happen?" i was like, "hell yes...it's $10, right? i'd let her have u for $5" and then he gets upset with me and hurt that i can easily give him away...haha...

my fiance then tells me that if i sold him for $5, it wouldn't be an indecent proposal but rather, a "casual transaction"...which of course causes me to bust out laughing...

so onto more serious stuff...i've got this business meeting tonite which i'm totally psyched about...it has to do with food and stuff...

oh yeah, my gf [let's call her J] tells me my ex contacted her [whom he hasn't even spoken to in like a year] several days ago inquiring her about "jewelry"...i found it odd cause when i was dating him, he didn't even like her [actually, he didn't like any of my friends cause he's a douchebag...btw...that's a red flag if a guy you're dating tries to keep you away from your friends]...but honestly, i know he only contacted her to like subliminally send me a message that he's prolly looking for a ring to propose to his girlfriend...so J tells me she didn't want to tell me cause she was afraid i'd hurt and i'm like, honestly, i'm happy that he has found someone who can tolerate his ass...i'm utterly happy to finally get out of that relationship...i swear, my ex was perfect on paper but being with him was a nightmare...and i'm sure he'll say the same about me...i told J that if i had wanted to be with him, i for one, wouldn't have been cheating on him nor would i have been such a bitch to him...i stuck around despite him being physically and verbally abusive cause he did have a good side to him sometimes but at the end of the day, i was over it...i honestly think we broke up like every other day...it was one of those insane relationships and in looking back, i have no idea why i even allowed myself to be with someone like him...actually, i know why...cause i was busy playing love games with my ex ex and after it was all over, i was in these stupid relationships cause i was beyond needy and was willing to date anyone who wanted to be with me...i know...i'm lame...oh wells...so i basically told J that i really hope he treats his current gf well and i really hope they're happy together...i'm just glad he's out of my life and honestly, i think my last relationship is the only relationship i've had where i wished it never happened...but what i've learned from being with the ex is that money doesn't make u happy...it just buys u crap u don't need...and if anything, it allowed me to look at my best friend [aka my fiance] and for the first time in the five years that we've been friends and realize how immensely awesome he is...like he doesn't have to buy me crap to make me happy or take me anywhere fabulous like my past bfs...rather, our greatest moments are just anytime we get to spend together...i know..utterly cheesy...okay...i'll stop...i'm making myself wanna barf...

i better go take my shower and get ready for my business meeting...this meeting may potentially change my life...wish me luck!!! xoxo...

NOTORIOUS b.i.g. : a movie review

my last nite was spent watching notorious with the boo and i have to say...the movie was surprisingly not bad...i swear, like biggie smalls is like obese, yet he's able to like get all these hoes and i'm like...i don't get it...like in the movie, he's caught cheating on his wife, Faith, and she takes him back cause he makes these silly faces...like every time he's caught doing something bad, he makes these silly faces like he's fucking three years old and then he's forgiven...i'm like, wtf? and what i don't get is if i was like some singer like Faith, why would i even marry a guy like Biggie? like seriously...i definitely would have been all over tupac for sure...

so while we're watching the movie, i sing along to some of the songs and my fiance is like..."how do u know the lyrics?"...and i'm like, "i'm gangsta biatch...i'm gangsta." okay, i'm not really gangsta but unlike my fiance, i didn't grow up in suburbia...i grew up in the ghetto and by ghetto, basically stuck in my room creating arts and crafts...yes, i'm a loser.

so after the movie, i force my fiance to practice our first dance together cause i have two left feet...we practice for about half an hour before i get bored...

i'm currently in the process of continuously working on wedding stuff...i swear, it never ends...tonite i'm getting my hair and make up done to see what i'd look like at the wedding...i swear, i really hope i don't look like a crack whore...

oh yeah...my ladies are in the process of planning my bachelorette party for next month and this is seriously the emails that are being sent:

to set this story up...basically, we're discussing where to stay in vegas:

F: Venetian is lil more.. but the prob is bathroom.. its gonna be uncomfortable, 6 girls with one bathroom? crazy for sure :)
these are prices per person (2 nights @ Wynn). T, J, A and I agreed that its a good deal. (p.s. this is before Lo's share)

$200-210 flight plus hotel
$80-90 hotel only for driving people

Lo, yes please let us know as soon as you find out. We plan to book before this week ends.. we each will share the room with 3 girls= total 11

Room 1- A + 3
Room 2- J + 3
Room 3- F + 2

If anyone wants to fly, check out expedia. its $120 roundtrip. or let me know if you wanna fly together (6 pm flight). maybe the rest of the girls can rent a SUV and carpool to save?


N: Hey Everyone!

So I went on the Encore website, and saw that a suite for 2 nights is $521 less a $75 credit, so $446, and we can get two adjoining suites for $892 total. So roughly around $90/person for two suites at Encore which sounds pretty good, and that new club is at Encore too which we could hit one of those night's we're there. The only thing is that the deal is only for king bed suites, so I figure 3 girls on a bed, 1 on the sofa, and someone picks straws for the floor? Let me know if this sounds good and I'll go ahead and book it today. As for the car situation, sounds like some people are flying? Can you email me individually if you're flying and I can make a list? I'll be driving a car and with so many people flying, we might not need to rent a car.

K: encore suites are hella small. i was just there. i think we should pick a hotel w/ bigger suites liek venetian

F: just checked Venetian suite. 2 queen bed, 1 sofa bed so 6 ppl ok. it $1121 so divided by 10 is $112..

L: i will sleep on the floor. i figure ill be drunk anyways.
i will be riding in the carzoe with mis hermanas.

yay to my first bachelorette party!

K: 3 huynh sisters in 1 room is gonna be ka-razy!!!!

N: Yea, a Huynh sister will be punched in the face by 3 am Saturday. So if everyone is okay with Venetian, then I'll book today. It does work out better - everyone has a place to sleep and we can prolly get adjoining suites.

Lo: fyi...so the huynh sisters will NOT be renting out a car...i think nhan is gonna drive us so we can fit two more people in her car...so since she's driving, the other four people in the car can just split the cost of gas if u wanna carpool with us...just let us know...did u guys wanna book the hotel before A gets back to me? let me know so i can tell him he no longer has to look into it...xoxo, Lo.
p.s. yeah...somehow i feel there will be DRAMA with the huynh sisters...why do i feel like one of us is gonna get punched in the face? haha...

K: u will prob end up punchign each other in the face.haha

F: no one's gonna get punched in the face, hope not.. (how about huynh sisters will be splited in 2 suiites haha) but lil drama will be fine :)

****************

so basically, the gist of the emails besides our attempt at searching for the cheapest hotel is that one of the huynh sisters may get punched in the face...i swear, this will be the best bachelorette party like EVER!!! xoxo.

now i'm off to more practicing some dancing...i hate my life...and by hate, love it. p.s. from this point on, my nickname is Lil Lo cause i was the 4th hoe in biggie smalls life...they didn't include me in the movie cause i told them our love story was so great, it really had to be private...don't want the public to like, u know, shoot it down and be all jealous cause our romance was bigger than life...okay...i really need to stop being all delusional...need to take my prozac now...haha...

my yesterday

yesterday was completely nuts...my morning started off with heading to the OC for a dance lesson with my fiance which obviously ended up being disastrous...we're basically trying to learn to dance for our wedding...my fiance isn't bad but i'm completely and utterly a total mess...what i quickly learned is that i can't dance for shit...apparently, all this time when i go clubbing and wriggling around, i've lied to myself and told myself i was dancing when in reality, i was just wriggling around in a drunken stupor...i currently hate myself big time...so my fiance is dancing and joking around and i'm under a huge amount of stress because i'm bad at rhythm or memorizing my 4 dance steps and so i just spend my time yelling at him...our choreographer looks at me and keeps demonstrating the steps over and over and over again and i can't seem to get it...after 2 hours, i decided to quit...i realized i'm a lost cause and take pity on myself...

we then head to a wedding but before the wedding, we grabbed some sushi at hide on sawtelle...that was delish...and then we run off to our friends' wedding...i swear, what is up with weddings where it always makes u tear up cause the couple is sooo damn nice and sweet and then u feel all moved and wanna cry?...i wonder if people will feel like that at my wedding...somehow, i highly doubt it...my friends will prolly be like, "that bitch is finally married...good riddance...now we no longer have to hang out with her." my family members will be like, "finally, some dude to take her away and deal with her problems." yes, it will be the most romantic wedding like ever...

right after the wedding, my fiance and i had to hit our gf's lingerie hello kitty casino night birthday party in torrance...so i had to change into my grandma lingerie in the car...it was great...so i was gonna wear this sexy white camisole hot shorts lingerie number but my fiance looked at it before i was heading out and he was like, "No" so i got stuck with the most grandma looking lingerie i could find...i even paired it with my granny panties...well...it was good that i didn't wear my sexy lingerie cause i didn't want the other girls to get all jealous cause i'm soooo hot...u know, with my flat chest and stumpy legs...and yes, i look like a boy naked except with long hair that i never comb...it's funny cause my fiance is always like, "u look hot" and i stare at him and think, "i'm glad he's delusional."

okay...so back to this party and NOT me...so we get there and we're greeted with a shot of vodka that we're supposed to take...i decline cause i know i have to leave the party early to go home and practice my dance number a little bit more before i see the choreographer again the next morning...the girl at the door says, "u have to take a shot per request of the bday girl." i look at her very menacing and say, "uh...uhmmm...uh...no." and then the guy at the door wants to take a pic of me and my fiance and i'm like, dude...i can't get a picture of myself in fucking grandma lingerie...cause it's obvious what's gonna happen to this picture...the next thing u know, i'm on maxim cause i'm really that hot and not getting paid for my hawtness...yes, that's my issue with that pic being taken and the fact that i didn't sign a release waiver for it...actually, the only reason why i didn't want to get my pic taken was cause i looked like crap and i knew it...oh wells..on yeah...so back to this party...

we go upstairs and the whole room is decked out in hello kitty stuff...that is my dream...to have my home decked out in hello kitty stuff...i kid...i'd only decorate my bedroom like that...cause hello kitty in the bedroom is always sexy...i'm sure my fiance would love that...so there's this dj spinning...it was pretty cool...so the ladies arrive and they're in the skimpiest lingerie which of course makes me feel like all shitty cause i look like their grandma...and what's worse is that some of the ladies brought their kids to this party and yet they were able to look hot in their skimpy lingerie and i was stuck looking seriously lame...oh yeah...there were kids at this party...which honestly, i don't mind cause i fucking love kids and by love kids, able to tolerate them for like 5 minutes before i quickly get bored and return them to their mother...so anyway, all these hot chicks are prancing around in sexy lingerie and then we've got these two adorable boys running around....actually, one boy was running around cause he's two years old and the other one is like one so his mom was busy like holding him...

my two gfs arrive and they were also dressed in grandma lingerie to my relief...we all looked lame together...there's safety in numbers for me...anyway, to make a super long story short...the party was fun and then i ended up cutting out early to go home and practice more of my dancing but after 30 minutes, i realized i still suck and went to bed...i know...it's very sad...honestly, what fucking makes this really and uberly sad is the fact that i have now come to terms that i can never make it as a stripper...i swear, how am i gonna make ends meet when my fiance wakes up one day, realizes i'm nuts, and leaves me alone with our kid that is "allegedly" his? i've heard stories where douchebags leave their wives after the wife has the kid and the guy is like, "i'm no longer attracted to u." i'm like, wtf? i only fucking just had a 10 lbs. baby that came out of my fucking private part...how about u try busting a kid out of your ass? let's see if u still look attractive...i swear, men can be douchebags....honestly, i'm not worried if my fiance ends up leaving me after we have a kid...i mean, that's what alimony and child support is for...so it's like having two incomes if u don't spend your child support money on the kid...it's great...i kid...and by kid, i'll prolly be the one forced to pay child support cause my fiance knows i'll most likely not want to keep the kid...cause u know, it'll cramp my dating and going out clubbing life...

okay...i better go practice some more dancing before i see the choreographer...hopefully, she doesn't yell at me...xoxo...