my bachelorette party aka the weekend that never happened

okay...this past weekend, i hit vegas for my bachelorette party...i would like to also acknowledge that everything i'm about to talk about NEVER really happened...everything i'm about to say is a complete fabrication of the events on this trip...so on that note, in order to protect all parties, names will be changed in order to protect the innocent...so instead of using my friends names who did or "did not" go on this trip, i will give them stripper names...so here are the names: Destiny, Candy, Diamond, Savannah, Trinity, Cherry, Angel, Raven, Crystal, Roxy, Houston, Porshe.

okay...so i'll start from the beginning...

so my maid of honor, let's call her "Destiny" sends out an email with regards to our itinerary for the trip:

Hi everyone,

I think I might be missing some people, so could you forward to people I might've missed...

So here's the itinerary for this upcoming weekend:

Friday:
10 pm: American Storm strip show. Bring dollar bills!!! I'm assuming everyone will make it to Vegas by at least 10 pm, and if you will not you have to let me know. Tix are $55 each and I need to buy them in advance, so PLEASE let me know.

Midnight: Tao. "Candy" has already put us on the list. If you don't make it by 10 pm, I'll leave a room key at the desk so you can at least meet up with us at the club.

The color theme for tonight is pink.

Saturday:
11 am: Brunch at Bellagio.
1-4 pm: Pool, shopping, spa, gambling, whatever you want to do - it's your own free time. Everything else is mandatory for everyone to go to.
4-7 pm: Getting ready, pre-drinking.
7-9 pm: Dinner at Bouchon at Venetian. Be prepared to pay for whatever you ordered and we'll split Lo's meal.
9 pm - people get tired: Limo taxi to XS nightclub

Color theme is black and Lo wears white. We'll also have some games for Lo to play throughout the night.

Sunday:
11 am: Check out and pho.

I will be purchasing 2 big bottles of Grey Goose from CostCo with cranberry juice, soda water, and red bull - I'll add it to the room charges. Let me know if there's anything else you would like.

I think that's about it - "Candy" and "Diamond", let me know if I've missed anything. Should be fun! Looking forward to seeing everyone this Friday!

"Destiny"

**********

so based on the itinerary, i was definitely looking forward to the trip...it was very well thought out and planned...

so friday morning, i hit portals to grab some cheese and guava rolls for the trip and my fiance, let's call him "V", drops me off at my mom's house...my sisters and two friends are already there waiting for me...

we jump into the car and Destiny drives us to Vegas...from Glendale, we get to Vegas in record time...seriously took us only 3 1/2 hours...i was like..this is a great beginning to my bachelorette party...we check in at 3 pm and walk into our venetian suite where we had gotten adjoining suites.

we immediately throw crap loads of ice into one of the bathtubs in order to get keep our drinks cold and then we lounge around and wait for the rest of the other girls to show up...

around 7ish pm, i get a call from Diamond letting me know her flight has been delayed and she may not make it to the strip joint and if i could try to sell her ticket to one of the other girls...i informed her that everyone had prepaid their tix so that would be impossible...she tells me she'll try to make it on time...

around 8ish...no one has arrived yet and we had to leave at 9 pm to make it to American Storm...half of the girls informed me they were on their way and was almost there...two other girls were still flying in...i'm beginning to freak out cause i begin to get my women issues so i began pmsing and stressing out about people not being here....

Diamond manages to arrive around 9ish pm and forgot my veil... she later manages to save the day when she hits frederick's of hollywood and manages to macgyver a veil thong into my pretty little head piece....

....okay...and this is where i need to end my bachelorette party story...or at least give a very concise version of our trip...

so basically, i ended up wearing a veil thong [unknowingly] for my bachelorette party...some ladies get really trashed...one girl goes out of commission for most of the trip cause she thought it was a great idea to start hitting the bottle at 3 pm on friday...one girl gets found in our bathroom with her panties around her ankles and needs to get carried back to bed [i know...that's not as exciting as finding a tiger in the bathroom]...one bachelorette got pulled on stage at a strip show and basically got molested to the amusement of her friends...one girl is busy flirting with our fifty-year-old taxi cab driver named manfred who btw is married...cougars were on the pounce...men get manhandled...we get VIP treatment at TAO and XS...we hit the bellagio buffet which is obviously a bad idea when you're hungover...we learned that mixing champagne, wine, a bj shot, patron, vodka shots, absinthe in the course of 2 hours is not the best thing to do...and somehow, we all made it back to LA in one piece....oh yeah...no names to be mentioned, but one bachelorette got several marriage proposals...too bad they weren't indecent proposals cause she would obviously have been all over it....i kid...

oh yeah...so while all this partying is going on, my gf informs me on friday nite that my fiance is puking at his bachelor party...so i immediately call the boys in charge of his bachelor party and threaten them...i basically told them that if my fiance got hurt in any way, shape, or form, they would be dead to me...apparently, some people [aka my fiance] can't handle LA...

so i guess that's basically it...it was the best bachelorette party like ever...i got a chance to reconnect with my gfs...we got to talk about boys, life, and douchebags...it was great...now i'm totally looking forward to my bridal shower...xoxo....