week in review

last nite was spent having pork chops for dinner and watching 7 lbs. with my fiance...that movie was not bad but i didn't think it was that great...if i were to rename the movie, i'd prolly call it, "how to kill yourself with a jellyfish" or "hey, check it out...i'm a douchebag cause i was busy looking at my cellphone while driving so i ended up killing my wife in the process and now i'm gonna be even more selfish and like totally kill myself and give away my body parts because like that's supposed to make it better." i swear, why isn't the entertainment industry hiring me to name their movies? knock on my door people..i need a second job!!! wow...i sound really desperate...why? cause i am...

yeah..i hate it when movies are too fucking obvious...like seriously, 30 minutes into the movie, i was like, "let me guess...he's not really an IRS agent" and "let me guess, he fucking killed his wife"...and "let me guess...he's gonna kill himself and give away his body parts"...and "let me guess, after he dies, i'm supposed to feel like sad"...honestly, the movie was too cliche...i didn't know anything about the movie besides the fact that he was an IRS agent but it was too easy to guess what was gonna happen next...and btw...i HATE movies where i have to fucking guess what's gonna happen...it's like, dude, i paid for the movie...tell me how it's gonna be...i'm not here to think...so to make a long story short, i didn't feel sad after he like totally killed himself...i was like, dude...you're a total douchebag for like looking at your phone while driving...i told my fiance that if he fucking checks out google maps while driving and i'm in the car and i die, i'd hate him forever...but it really wouldn't matter, would it? i'd be fucking DEAD!!!

so last saturday, i catered a charity event for 200 people..it was fun...i swear, i love love doing catering events but it kinda sucked cause i ended up missing out on my sister's improv show...

sunday was spent grabbing dinner with the family for mother's day...my fiance was in tow cause he's now part of the family...

yesterday at work, i was mad crazy lusting over a cheeseburger and fries and opted to have a brownie for lunch instead...why? well, i figured i'd save myself like 500 calories if i split the brownies and did without the greasy burger and fries...it's good to know that i do have some self-control...sometimes...but by 3 pm, i was super mad hungry so i go to my co-worker's [who is actually my cousin] office and steal her snacks...i'm like, "btw...i'm eating your food...and it's good...i hope you don't mind" and i continue to stuff myself with the rest of her shortbread cookies and candied prunes...delish!!! my other co-worker says to me, "do u drink prune juice? u know it's a laxative, right?" and i'm like, "really? hmmm...i've never drank prune juice before but if it's a laxative, that sounds fabulous...." dude, is prune juice really a laxative? dude...i gotta stop..i am not gonna start consuming prune juice...although losing additional weight would be super great...maybe i can look as anorexic as those girls from beverly hills 90210...dude...i gotta grow up...i'm 30 years old and should be more concerned about like, u know, being healthy...

so anyway, at work, i'm looking at these medical notes and there's some info about what you're supposed to do after like giving birth...it says stupid crap like, "make sure u feed the baby every 1 1/2 to 2 hours"...and i'm like, "u fucking serious? how will i be able to sleep?" so i get home and i tell my fiance, "seriously, once you're ready to like wake up every two hours to feed a child, we can then think about having kids..i mean, one kid." and he's like, "so u want me to feed the kid although you'll be the one not having to go into work?" and i'm like, "yes...do u have a problem with that?" and he's like, "uh...no." i then said, "u realize that we can always adopt..u know.. a kid who is like five years old so we can bypass this breastfeeding crap and avoid me having mommy hips and stretch marks. honestly, it's a win win situation." my fiance is like, "no, i'll love u even if u look like that." and i'm like, "sure...say that now...even i won't love myself." part of me is afraid of not looking like a mother but also having post-partum depression...hello, my life as i've always known it will change...it's nuts...

oh yeah...and then i'm reading the side effects of having a c-section and the notes says stuff like, "the patient has been informed of bleeding, bowel issues, and infection." and i'm like, why don't they just tell us that we're just basically gonna be slaughtered and may not make it out alive? i mean, like seriously, when a doctor tells me this crap when i'm about to give birth, what am i gonna say? like, "seriously doctor...due to those potential side effects, can we just not deliver this baby? u know what? i've decided to just look pregnant like forever and keep this baby inside of me." ...like seriously....

honestly, i know i'm gonna prolly have like one kid but i seriously cannot imagine having more than one...i think it's too nuts...it's like, i used to want to have kids but the more i know about people who actually have kids, i don't think it's that glamorous...if anything, it's the opposite of glamorous and the whole labor thing definitely does not sound fun...and then women like develop all these crazy stuff like strange allergies or gestational diabetes or sun spots on your face, etc. etc...

yeah...like on mother's day, my mom was like, "why don't u guys have a kid after getting married." and i'm just like, "yeah...sure...mom, i can't even afford myself. how am i gonna like pay for a kid? like seriously." on top of that, my fiance may be heading to law school next year and i will NOT be a single mother.

okay...onto to bigger news...my wedding party is finally complete...i've got my maid of honor, my two bridesmaids, and finally, my two bridesMEN!!! it's totally awesome...my bridesmen are basically two really good guy friends i have...i've basically been waiting for my fiance to choose two groomsmen for the last two months and he's been having a hard time with it...so last week, i was like, "u realize our wedding is like in 3 fucking months!!! make a decision!!!"...i then gave him a couple more days and then was like, screw it, i'll just ask my friends...it actually ends up working out perfectly cause i know i'll prolly be a complete stress case on the day of the wedding so i would really need people who know me to handle my spasiness...

craps..i gotta get into work....until next time...xoxoxo....