last nite my friend A*** took me out to dinner for my bday...yes, my bday was like two weeks ago so he's royally late. if he was like my bf, i would have told him to shove it like up his a** for being late...it's like being late to your kid's play when he's the lead...then again, he's like this attorney who is like totally busy so i let it slide and the fact that he is NOT my bf. so i bring my bf along to my bday dinner. A*** suggests we hit crustacean's in beverly hills at 7:30 pm. i'm like, that's cool cause i've never been there. i mean, beverly hills is totally frou frou for me but since A*** was taking me out, i didn't wanna be all demanding and ask for my fave...u know, a steak dinner at Carl's Jr. so i agreed to go to his pick.
anyway, so my bf and i head over to crustacean's from glendale...upon arriving close to the restaurant, i force my bf to find street parking...hello, we're in a recession so there's no way we're valeting our car!!! luckily, we found rock star parking across the street to my delight. so we head into the restaurant and we're like ten minutes late. A*** is inside waiting for us. he's looking like all debonair with a cocktail in his hand. i say...hi. and then introduce my bf.
we get taken to our table upstairs. this server comes around and asks us if we want anything to drink. i get my standard iced tea since i no longer drink. [btw...i miss u booze, and by booze, really...boooze.] my bf gets his booty some flat water and i think A*** gets the same. i know what you're thinking...flat water??? fancy schmancy. like i said, this is a classy joint...about like two minutes later, another server comes up and asks us what we want to drink...i'm like, "we already ordered our drinks." i then look at my bf and is like, "wow...this place is sooo fancy, we like each get our own server. this definitely ain't no carl's jr. we're living large tonite."
as we wait for our drinks, A*** tells me about this secret kitchen that's in the restaurant that only the owners of the restaurant gets to go in. it is in the "secret kitchen" that some special food is made. i'm like, that's cool...so when can i order and get my grub on? anyway, after telling me this in depth story about this "special kitchen," i'm left wondering...shit...in this special kitchen, do they use MSG???? is this where they spit on the food to give it extra flavor??? or this is where they'll like use the bathroom and not wash their hands and then cook my food cause no one sees them...hmmm...maybe i shouldn't order from the "special kitchen."
anyway, i end up giving in and order from their "special kitchen." surprisingly, there were a lot of stuff that was made in this "special kitchen." i mean, if i had a restaurant and i was the one who had to cook in the "special kitchen," i would probably just cook like one item and make the other cooks create everything else...hey, i'm lazy and why work when i can make others do it for me??? then again, it's obvious cause they wanna keep their "secret recipe." so we end up ordering the appetizer platter [which consisted of shrimp wrapped on a sugar cane (which they called shrimp lollipops...clever...cause i would have just called it shrimp on a sugarcane stick), shrimp eggrolls, braised shortribs, seared ahi tuna on a wonton chip], the garlic noodles [my fave thing on the menu btw] with giant prawns, lobster salad with mixed greens and julienned mango tossed with a miso dressing, and the roasted crab where the meat was picked out and placed in the shell [i know...that was nuts...the meat is totally picked out from the shell...i was like, r they now gonna bring out one of those couches that i can lie in and they can feed me the way servants feed royalty with grapes?]...
so our waitress serves us and even friggin peels our prawns for us...honestly, i'm surprised she didn't spoonfeed me while she was at it...the best part was when the waitress asked us if we wanted to have the crab shell...and i'm like, why? can u eat that? and she was like, some people like to eat the crab meat with the shell...i'm like, in what fucking world would u do that? i'm like, "can u just put my crab meat on my plate cause i like my food on a plate and not on a crab shell?" then again, maybe it's cause i'm like all low class and ghetto and don't get it...but i'm like, i'm vietnamese and when my mom cooks roasted crab, we don't like all fight for the crab shell to eat out of...i didn't get it...i mean, it's like, let me gut a chicken and let me stuff it back into the chicken which i'm thus gonna place on your plate...honestly, when i eat, i don't really like a reminder of what my food looked like when it was alive...other than that, the service was immaculate...i guess that's the kind of service u get when u dine in like beverly hills.
all in all, my food was totally delish...i ate like a pig...i only stopped eating cause everyone else had stopped...so i was like damn...i could easily eat another plateful of food cause i'm a monster...
anyway, so during dinner, A*** entertains us with stories and advice. he tells my bf and i how he proposed to his wife which was like the utterly most romantic proposal story there ever was...i then look at my bf and give him dirty looks cause obviously, the bf has yet to "put a ring on it." [HINT HINT u bastard!!!] i tell A*** that my bf is pissing me off cause he hasn't proposed yet which is totally lame cause hello, he knows i'll say yes. i mean, i'm like 30 years old and desperate. Marry me already!!!
anyway, A*** then asks me and my bf how we had met...and of course, i have to tell A*** the greatest love story of all times...basically, to sum it up, my bf and i had lived in the same apartment complex over four years ago. our building had thrown a party on the rooftop so i had gone cause hey, it was free food...so i'm there getting my grub on with my current bf at the time. my new bf comes over and is like, "hi. my name is V****." and i'm like, "i'm here with my bf. bye." and that's how we met. i know...seriously most romantic story there ever was...please try not to be all jealous cause u can't beat this story...
anyway, dinner lasts for almost three hours cause A*** is incredibly entertaining and to put it quite simply, amuses me. he ends up covering the entire bill for my bf and i which is incredibly generous. my bf tries to give him cash but A*** won't take it and then it gets all awkward so i look at my bf and tell him to stop. and then we go home. the end.
i know...this was the story of the greatest dinner there ever was...great dinner and great company despite the lack of booz...
so i'm home now...listening to some howie day...u know, that song, collide...it's totally romantic...like sooo romantic, i wanna propose to myself...it's like the perfect setting...i'm currently down on one knee, and ready to propose to myself...i'm like, "Lo, will u??"...and then realizing, wow, i'm now officially the crazy lady. maybe that's why the bf has yet to propose. haha...
will be spending this evening making brocolli chicken stirfry, hopefully be able to watch some television if it's not too blurry [damn rabbit ears], and clean up...my life is once again a disaster...oh, how i love me. xoxo...
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